What I Gained By Believing In Myself

I remember family vacations as a kid, I remember spending hours doing my homework in the back of my Dad’s Lincoln while we made the 15 hour drive to South Padre Island, so we could spend a week at the ocean, fishing, walking the beach, going to Mexico, getting fresh tortillas, swimming, building sand castles, life seemed so simple then. I lived for these vacations, I loved the sunshine and ocean air, looking back now, these family vacations were everything, in all honesty, I think some of trips could have been a National Lampoon’s Vacation movie!

I have lived in Maine for many years and I have been very blessed that I have friends with boats that would gladly take me anytime I want to go, but one day I decided that I want my own boat, I want to be able to get out on the water myself, I want to haul lobster traps and tour around explore the islands. This was probably one of my more ridiculous ideas, that came with endless self doubt dialogue that played over and over in my head, but I told Mike about my idea, he said, “ok, I will find you a boat.” It did not take long, maybe a week before I was backing up my truck to pick up my little lobster boat. I looked at Mike and said, “ what if I can’t do this, what if I back the boat off the ramp, what if I hit a ledge, what if... what if.... what if.....????” My ‘what if’s were really WTH did I just do, what am I doing, I can just got out on a friends boat! Mike looked at me and calmly said, “You can do anything, you want to do, I believe in you!” Those words brought back all those fishing trips with my family and my dad teaching me how to fish, watching him and remembering my dad saying, “you will never know unless you try.”

So, I come down the driveway towing a boat, which I have never really towed anything before, let alone back down a boat ramp, and don't even get me started about getting the boat off the trailer by myself!! It was September when we brought home the boat, it stayed hooked up to the truck for a few days, I actually lost sleep thinking just thinking about backing up. I live in a community of fishermen and here I am a girl from Oklahoma that now owns a lobster fishing boat.

It was a Sunday morning, I was up early, told Mike to get ready we were taking the boat for a ride, we loaded up Babs and off we went. Mike was a little confused, he did not realize I meant taking the boat for a ride, actually meant I had been up for many nights finding isolated boat ramps, on non-fishing days so I could actually practice backing down a boat ramp with my boat. We traveled an hour from home to a tiny little town called Lubec, basically it is practically Cananda, I did not want anyone, especially anyone I know to see my first attempts at backing up a trailer.

We arrived, and the fun began. Now, Mike who had supported this entire idea, really knew nothing about backing up a trailer, NOTHING. So, here we are in this town where we did not know a soul and the fun began. I went up and down that boat ramp, side ways, sometimes half straight, up and down, for an hour or more. We laughed and I was completely over thinking the whole thing, to put in perspective how long I spent backing up and down, I had put 2 miles on the odometer. It was fun, I can say I had not really grasped the concept yet, when I looked up and there was a man standing in front of my truck, he was smiling. He said, “I own this little restaurant and we have been watching you for the last hour, we have never seen someone smile so much trying to back up a trailer, please come in and let me buy you a beer, we want to hear your story!” So, I finally parked, and we no longer were strangers in this little town, I was the girl from Oklahoma with a lobster boat. I actually managed to get down the ramp once successfully before we left for the day, it was a huge accomplishment in my book!

I spent the next two months, towing my boat everywhere, I would take it to buy groceries, just to get practice driving with a trailer, I would sneak off to every different town I could find, just to back down the ramp. By November I had put on 1,000 miles “taking my boat for a ride”! It was actually a very cold day in November when I asked a friend if he would help me put the boat in the water. I was a nervous wreck, for the first time, I was backing up the boat at my town marina, with fishermen watching and I was a shaking mess, but I did it! I managed to get the boat off, go for a ride and with some help back on the trailer. I spent there rest of the winter, towing my boat around town, I went over in my mind 10,000 times how to get it off the trailer and tried to patiently wait for Spring.

In reflecting on my ridiculous idea, it truly was not so ridiculous at all. I learned a lot about myself, I learned a lot about the support of friends and community. I feel truly blessed that I live in such a beautiful place that pushed me to do something I TRULY love, I love being on the water. To this day, we still laugh about the fall I learned to tow a boat, the memories we have made will live in our hearts. This is what sets my soul on fire, this is what keeps me connected to nature, this is what grounds me. What sets your soul on fire, what drives you?

All My Best,

Dr. Nicole

Coming Back to Myself

Hello Everyone!

Sorry, for long absence of me writing to you here. I have started numerous blog posts, some with what I felt to be profound words, that turned into mush halfway through and then thoughts became so jumbled I could not get them down on paper... So, finally I awoke this morning with some clarity. Please, be patient as I once again transcribe thoughts and feelings in my head into writing.

Time has flown by, this last year seems like a blur. If I had a feelings chart, you know one of those that you put on your refrigerator to help identify what a person is going through at the moment, I would definitely have cycled through EVERY single emotion, EVERY day. While trying to navigate though the constant stream of emotions, I thought my physical day had not changed much, in retrospect it has indeed changed. Life has changed. Perhaps it was just denial or trying to remain calm, life has shifted into a new paradigm.

While talking with a now, new stay-at-home mom, who is trying to navigate “at home learning” while still maintaining her sanity, our conversation was interrupted by her child and she asked, “Why are you not on with your teacher? You need to be on the computer with your teacher...” Directions where given and our conversation continued. Not two minutes later this mom was asking, “Why are you in your Captain America costume? You need to get back on the computer with your teacher...” It was in this moment I realized we are all navigating life in our own special way.

While we are in challenging, frustrating and nerve wracking times, remember there is truly an immense amount of LOVE and UNDERSTANDING as every single one of us have our struggles with this new paradigm. Remember all of your feelings are valid, and need to be worked through. When you need to, take a moment to breathe, scream in a pillow, cry in your safe space, get outside or whatever you need to do in the movement. Feel it, acknowledge it and then let it go.

As many of you know I LOVE WINTER! So, regardless of the cold and snow, I get outside. I recommend this to everyone. Spending time in nature is the only thing that brings me back to myself, but I may invest in a Captain America costume to bring me that joy, or maybe dress up Randy.

All My Best,

Dr. Nicole

Who is Randy?

Randy came into the world in February 2019, in the frigid cold. It was so cold that his mother was unable to get him up and dried off quickly enough before frostbite had set in. Luckily, Randy’s farmers were able to get him inside and thought out his frozen body with a hairdryer and nursed him back to health. This took about three months. While Randy has some permanent damage to his hind legs, ears, and feet, he is a healthy, wooly lamb. 

October 2019, I was having a conversation with one of Randy’s farmers about getting Miss Rosie a companion animal. As I felt she gets a little depressed in the darker months. At this time I was told all about the little frostbitten lamb, who just did not quite fit in around there “working“ farm. I do not think of myself as a farmer, I think of myself as a caretaker of all creatures in a steward of my land. So, arrangements were made to bring this 9-month-old lamb to become part of our family.

Randy was dropped off on a beautiful fall day, the air was crisp, the sky was blue and I had no idea how to care for a sheep, honestly I never even had been around sheep. He was timid during the first couple of days but wanted nothing to do with being in a barn or a pen or a companion for Miss Rosie. He was stuck to Mike and I like glue. Lester was beyond excited to have a mini-me to play with, and could not figure out why Randy could not come inside to play. 

In less than 48 hours we learned that Randy did not care about electric fences, he really wanted to eat anything but grass/hay, he loves to be fussed over, to have his chin scratched, and he let us know he was not your “ordinary sheep“. 

Fast forward, Randy has been in our lives for nine months, which in sheep parent terms “terms“ it feels like decades. The winter presented some Randy challenges, mostly convincing him he was not a house sheep, although his persistence was enough to figure out how to open the front door, the garage door...basically, any entry to the house was fair game. Calling the local hardware store asking for someone to fix your screen door, because your pet sheep just walked in, is just “normal“ these days

Spring presented an entirely new set of Randy “issues”. I have spent 14 years working on my flower gardens, they are truly a labor of love, for Randy they have been what he loves to eat! The first glimpses of the greens were tempting and tender, which he really enjoyed. The gardens that had open borders were Randy’s favorite spots to graze, the ENTIRE DAY. We spent hours trying to find the best “Randy proof” fencing, we had several failed attempts, as he would find the weakest spot and then, there he would be, grazing on daylilies and peonies. There are decorative fences, my yard-garb creations my dad made, pallets, old windows, and rocks all over the yard surrounding the gardens. While they look nice, there are a few plants Randy loves and there are extra layers of protection for them. Luckily, the vegetable garden has always been protected, from Miss Rosie as well as the neighborhood dear. Over the years I have enjoyed planting annuals and having a splash of color all over the yard, now those are simply hanging baskets as well as a couple of pots behind dog gates. Which are 100% effective if put in the exact right spot.

Randy just wants to be included in EVERY SINGLE  thing we do. He would hop in the truck and go if we let him, he never misses a walk, he is kind to every animal he meets, he watches the cats with amazement, he enjoys animal planet when he’s inside, he hangs out with the chickens, he greets the delivery people, he lets you know when it’s 6 PM (time to eat!), he loves kisses, he loves to be brushed, he loves Lester, he burps a lot, he nibbles everything, he enjoys a cool day and most of all he makes your soul happy. Randy, has bought brought an endless amount of joy to our home, we say, “No Randy” at least 20 times a day, and he will gladly nibble on your tire if you come and visit but no worries, he’s never given anyone a flat.

There has yet to be a dull moment around since we adopted Randy. Nor, has there been a reason to lock our doors before, but now we do, all because of a sheep name Randy. He’s the fluffiest, funniest creature, he thinks he’s skinny and knocks over our lawn furniture, and he sleeps on the dog bed beds. On a happy note, upon weeding my garden he will eat the entire pile of weeds which is great for me, a little less work. There are days that just Randy alone, can leave you feeling like you have been chasing 10 toddlers around all day, but in reality, it’s just been Randy touching everything. 

Randy has a very special relationship with Lester, their energy feeds off each other, and in their time together it is easy to hear each of them blaming the other for all things wrong. There is a “sheepish“ way Randy looks at Lester and calling him the “black sheep.” They are indeed a pair, and our lives will never be the same because of the two of them. We have enjoyed watching Randy’s personality flourish, we have enjoyed watching him try to be a “real sheep“, we have learned resiliency of plants and their ability to adapt to a short growing spring. We enjoy our family walks, and most of all we LOVE RANDY and all his little quirks, he fits in perfectly.

All My Best,

Dr. Nicole

Give the Gift of a Moment to Yourself

When was the last time you took a moment for yourself? When was the last time you stopped and listened to what your internal needs are?

Not, what am I going to put on, in and around myself. Not, selecting supplements, foods, exercising, or dressing for the day’s requirements.

A moment to say hello to yourself, to check in with yourself, to love yourself for your own sake, for your own soul.

This does not take a meditation practice, an enormous amount of time, or need the eloquence of the perfect mantra.

It just takes positive intention, honesty, and a moment. Just take a moment to be completely honest with yourself. It is harder than you think, so allow yourself to sit for a minute and ask what your true needs are at this time.

Just a hey, you’re important, you’re worthy, you’re loved.

Find a spot you feel you feel comfortable with yourself for 5-10, can be inside or outside, even right where you are when you remember, oh yes, time for me!

Take a few deep breaths and visualize your healthiest, most vibrant self and give yourself the love and joy of that moment. Repeat as needed. Repeat again as needed. Remember it only takes a moment to give yourself, a little self-love, reassurance and an internal high five!! High five is a good way to remind yourself, YOU ARE DOING THIS!!

All My Best,

Dr. Nicole

Eating for the Season

Foods that are in season nourish our bodies with the nutrients that we need for the weather and temperature of the season that we are currently in. Seasonal foods generally have the best flavors and best nutrition, especially when purchased locally. In return, you get to support small businesses, cut out the middle man, be more environmentally conscious, and know where your food comes from.

If you need an idea of what type of produce is available in your area, a visit to your local farmers market will give you a wealth of information of what produce is available to you each season.

As we (in the norther hemisphere) enter autumn, we need to add some warmth to our cooling foods, spices can assist you with this. Some of these spices are: cinnamon, clove, cardamon, cumin, ginger, fennel, and mustard seed. These spices can assist in with keeping your sinuses from drying out. This assists your immune system in defending you from colds and flu.

Remember, in every season to keep hydrated! Cool, dry weather makes your body need hydration just as much as the summer sun.

All My Best!

Dr. Nicole